The Gay Christian: A Controversy in Today’s Church

INTRO: The other day I got into a heated argument with one of my friends, Ken*, after I made a light joke about him and the boyfriend serving in the youth ministry of their church. He has a beautiful voice the worship team cannot seem to match. Ken is just about the most stout gay Christian I have ever met in my life. But that is actually the problem; he is gay. Serving in the youth ministry, Ken evidently loves God with all of his heart. He has given himself as a vessel for the gospel. It is sad, however, that he is forced to live within two conflicting facades.

The church has convinced him that being gay is wrong and ungodly. Now Ken believes that somewhat if he can separate these two sides of him, while at the same time bringing them into a peaceful coexistence, then he can be able to serve God while being gay. When you meet Ken for the first time, one golden rule you will have to abide by is, “there is no talking about God, or religion” (if you are gay, that is). He does not mix his gay affairs or friends, his boyfriend included, in any religious matters.

For a very long time in my life, perhaps the better part of my life growing up, I had to battle what the church said about me as a gay man. I come from a highly religious background where, from a young age, our parents tried to raise us according to the Word. And although this approach was somewhat controversial, and in my opinion, still is, my siblings and I did quite an excellent job in turning out spiritually right. I remember back in Sunday school, the teachers would emphasize on the different sins human beings commit and the repercussions thereof. Even though at that stage homosexuality was not mentioned, later on in life, it was added to the list of sins God passionately hates. By then, I had become more aware of my sexuality, and by the time I was 14, I would vehemently pray to God to take away the spirit of perversion from me.

Like most of us, somewhere in high school, when I was at crossroads about my sexuality, I would fast and pray, crying to God to change me. I did not want to be a spiritual disappointment. I remember this one time I went to church, and somewhere down the sermon, I developed “ungodly and unnatural” desires towards another boy. I immediately left church, convinced I was a full-time workshop for the devil. It took me months before setting foot in a church building again. Looking back today, I realize I hated myself because of what the church said about the LGBTIQ community, and not what God says (I had taken no initiative to find out what God says). It still baffles me when I think of the many times I tried to be right with the “teachings” on homosexuality.

The Life Of A Gay Christian

It is challenging as a gay man to find your place in the church. It is even harder when you are openly gay. I remember someone from my family once told me that I was wasting my time in church as no amount of involvement in the youth ministry or charity work (I am a philanthropist by nature) would save me from hell as long as I am gay. I am sure many of us have heard similar statements. Most of us have completely stopped going to church since the place that is supposed to offer comfort and acceptance is the very epitome of discrimination and hatred.

In recent months, I have been reading extensively on the place of the church as far as the LGBTIQ question is concerned. A shocking statistic reveals that religiosity is tied down to increased suicide risks, with greater religious engagement and feeling directly linked to increased risks of suicidal thoughts and actions among gay Christians than any other factor in the LGBTIQ community. A study conducted at the Austin Research Consortium of the University of Texas among college students shows that the LGBTIQ participants who reported higher ratings of the importance of religion in their lives showed a higher rate of recent thoughts about suicide. It is sad to observe that religion, which is supposed to provide strength and support for the sexual minorities, in reality, acts as the dooming place, condemning thousands of innocent lives to their early deaths. Another friend once told me that he is ten times happier out of church than he was before he quit church a few years back. This is the sad reality we are faced with. The question that then rises is, “where has the church gone wrong in tackling the LGBTIQ issue?”

As I take on challenging the church to reconsider its place and teachings regarding homosexuality, I would like to share with you guys some knowledge I acquired reading James Martin’s “Building A Bridge.” This book, written by a catholic priest, played an integral role in drawing me back to my Creator and helped me find my place in the church as a gay man. Martin’s openness and liberalism regarding the LGBTI community is something I wish, pray and hope that more men and women of God will learn to embrace even as they seek to bring the church in a Godly manner. The book is intended to give a sense of direction to the questioning LGBTI Christian, bringing them together on a dialogue with the church. The fundamental gospel teaching, according to Martin regarding gay and lesbian people is that God loves them. We are the beloved children of God, begotten of His own image and likeliness. And I am not saying this to excite anyone or give a console in sin, as I have been told previously.

I speak from the conviction of the Holy Spirit through a man of God to His own people. I want to challenge the church, which purports to be following in the footsteps of Jesus Christ, to adopt his model by seeking out the marginalized, ignored, and excluded communities of people. I do not intend to raise a religious uproar or division in the church. Heavens know my understanding of religion is limited to my Sunday School and C.R.E teachings. But I feel it is important to echo the words of James Martin, that in the eyes of the church, merely being homosexual is not a sin. Nowhere is it written that being gay is a sin. Not in the catechism, and definitely not in the bible. Whatever we have been led to believe as the church’s teaching is, in reality, the religious restrictions (if we may call it that) on homosexuality. Religious restrictions brand homosexual acts as being contrary to natural law since they are “intrinsically disordered.” Consequently, homosexual orientations are regarded as “objectively disordered.”

I like to challenge people once in a while to think outside the confines they are used to, by provoking the intellectual realm with which they are most familiar with. Allow me to do so as I wind up. Did you know that the religious restrictions on homosexuality, interpreted (more accurately, misinterpreted) as the biblical teachings, have a very remote connection to biblical roots, and more to do with the church’s traditional over-reliance on natural law? These teachings on natural law were heavily influenced by the writings of St. Thomas Aquinas, who drew from Aristotle. Aristotle built his school of thought around the idea that God’s divine will and plan for humanity is equally self-evident to the human mind as much as it is revealed in the natural world. Thereby, the cliché of Eve (woman) being created as the companion for Adam (man) works mostly to justify the human reasoning to understand God’s plan for humanity. Do not get it twisted, my people. I am just stating what your pastor will never tell you so that he may continue to impose his ideas on religion and homosexuality. We are victims of our own ignorance.

Another interesting ideology in the church is that God punishes homosexuals. There is the cliche of Sodom and Gomorrah where God is reported to have rained fire and brimstone in Genesis 19. But a closer look reveals that the two cities were destroyed for the fact that they abandoned the covenant they had with God (which stated nothing regarding homosexuality). Their sinful ways and sexual promiscuity may have primarily been marked by sodomy, but the cities were destroyed for fornication, an act the very Bible defines as “the joining of human beings as “one flesh” in a sexual union outside of marriage” (I Cor. 6:9-11). It is sad to see men and women of God capitalizing on homosexuality as both sin and punishment, drawing from the teachings of the apostles who were relevant at their time, discussing the prevailing social and religious issues of their time. Addressing the church in Corinth, Apostle Peter decries the fact that the church’s heart has been drawn away from God, that priests tell lies and worship idols. He says that because of this, they have been given over to the desires of the flesh, and that their women have exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones (Rom. 1:26). I love reflecting on this particular passage for it forms the basis of the misinterpretation of homosexuality and what it stood for in the early church. My point to the church today is this, do not borrow from teachings of a particular setting and impose the same ideologies under different circumstances. I pray that the church learns to differentiate between personalities and social structures and institutions, and begins to perceive homosexuality as an orientation, and not social punishment.

Allow me to restate my intentions in writing this article. I do not wish to dispute the church and its teachings. I am a firm believer in God and the teachings of Jesus Christ. My aim, however, is to bring both the church and the LGBTIQ community to a point where we begin to dissect biblical teachings and restrictions imposed by philosophers and adopted into the church as religious teachings. We are all created in the image and likeness of God. We have all been designed to fulfill a greater purpose in life, and one’s sexual orientation should not be in any way whatsoever, a factor hindering this purpose. More importantly, it is my prayer that the church will adopt Jesus’ model in teaching the gospel; spread the love of God, to each and every human being. The church should be our solace, our place of comfort, and refuge.

You are beautiful, and the beloved of God, just the way you are darling.

PS: Read James Martin’s, “Building A Bridge” and grow into that christian you are destined to be.